LORALAI | LYRICS

 

ALMOST WISH I WAS

So I'm lying on a table in a fire station somewhere deep in the white-trash suburbs and I'm covered in whipped cream from my chest to my thighs and these ugly young men are licking cherries from my breasts. They're all crowded round me like goblins slobbering over a fat baby and I can't cry only smile my plastic-cup smile. There's some pharmaceutical called delaudin running through my veins that my boss gave me. The other girls tell me it's synthetic heroin. The other girls are in the little girl's room sucking off the bachelor, and as they hose the whipped cream off me at the sink, I almost wish I was in there. Then I remember the bachelor: bloated, hairless belly hanging over lime green shorts and I don't know where I almost wish I was.

So I go into the little girl's room to pee plastic cups of beer out of me. When I wipe myself it feels like a topical anasthetic down there; I can't feel a thing. One of the girls is wiping away tears that never hit her eyes. Turns out she didn't want to do it. Turns out the boss sweet-talked her, sugar poisoned her as he pushed her into the little girls room where the men waited. We hug her; it's all we can do, but as we sneak out the side door she walks as if broken. I feel for her. I am the same as her.

AMSTERDAM

a smoky twilight of the sun
ecliptic, a warm breeze
frizzling

the smoke
oh sunny smoke one day in amsterdam
turns over in a dreambreath

I have crossed
moved mountains to find here
the train, guttervoice soldiers streaming
into midnight cabins
on the plastic seat the lights flickered
softmetal wetness of returning tracks

to here, to amsterdam
sky folds out doubles over beneath you
clones itself into shallow canals
smoky sunlight crowns the trees
soft streaks of sunwindwater
streets choked with peterpanpilgrims
the journey they have dreamed
so hard in their cramped suburban bedrooms

I never went to amsterdam
I drowned in a lost canal
wider than the swallowing sun, I never went
to amsterdam

I think amsterdam
dreamt of me once,
backpacker nymph,
alone under all that blue
apocalypse spring breezes
yeah I think amsterdam

must have dreamt of me
once

GHOST TENDRIL ARMS

ghost tendril arms
diverging
submerging into dark
goodbye
my silkscreen, my smokescreen
my shadow