BEAUTIFUL LOSERS | LYRICS

CHILD-WOMAN JULIE

Child-woman Julie
sits quiet tonight
we are the three witches
on the couch in the back of the party
men visit us from time to time,
sit and talk with us then float away
our eyes are wide and we cannot move
Nobody exists but us and Julie's
eyes scare me sometimes,
like they've been searching through the dark
for so many lives
looking for the light
at the end of the tunnel
and it's become hell
and I want to tell her
she'll be okay cause I am ok
this moment
but it isn't true

the party is all flourescent demons
monsters so bright
in one room a man in a mask
whips people. It frightens us, so we smoke
the light in my head
just keeps expanding and Julie
truth in her falls
crawls over the waves of herself
is lost. I want to tell her
there are sparks in her eyes
but she wont believe
she's been searching through the dark
so many lives
looking for the light
at the end of the tunnel
and it's become hell

So I keep my arm around Julie
it feels warm,
along theheat
of her soft scratched skin
it doesn't feel
unnatural
or forced
or strange

CLOWN GIRL

I am the clown girl
with the plastic smile

the clone boys
with the plastic eyes
like the kiss my plastic lips
poke their rubber tongues
inside my mouth

they can't taste the blood
that fills these plastic lips
makes them red
and plump as cherries

for the boys to kiss

underneath the plastic
I can't feel their kisses
just a dull ache
like someone squeezed
where my cotton heart once was

And I am the pretty clown girl
with the plastic smile

sometimes,
when no one's hiding near
and I don't think I'll mind the sting
sometimes I rip away the plastic
just to feel my lips, bloated
scratched and scarred
flap into breezes
I want to feel the stars
searing my bloodlips

would they laugh, these boys
if they knew
behind my plastic smile
the frozen, blistered grimace

if they knew
the blasts of shadow laughter
blowing soft into their kisses

into their silly plastic eyes
that will never
taste the sky

like I do

COFFEE DRINKER

I poked a hole in my body
like the hole the coffee
is burning in my belly
as if to match the hole
that sometimes pops up in my essence-
like some bloated puppet-creature
is sucking it out through a straw
smooth twinkling metal
kissing inside my skin
growing a part of me now
as I gulp my thick black speed
till I am a sludge of clouded energy
yet sleepy anyway as if saying:

I am separate from this body
I can go 48 hours without sleep
I can shove sharp objects through my skin
I can surge strange chemicals through my nerve endings
through my stained blood

I am
still a part of the earth
still going to end one day maybe
maybe this metal bar will be the only piece of me left

somewhere

created for this body and deserted by it so quick and carelessly
humming a wet note in the earth
dances clinking against bones

slipping in a circle of dream flesh

DEAD HANDS

It was dead when she cut through it
slipped open easy as if it had been slit already there
and, maybe she remembered
in some shadow that cast
on the walls of the room inside her
maybe she remembered
the warm beast that was pain
struggling for surface

She lives beneath the stones of a restaurant-dumping alleyway, alone with her skin
She hangs it like dried sausages from the kitchen ceiling by a hook
She sits by her skin on a little stool day and night, sees the way it shivers
as if rippled by the frozen breath of the men she has let touch her
She watches her fingers spinning in a pan of grease
She stirs with a spoon she once found in her belly

She tears away the useless layers of her body,
rips from her mouth to the dried flaps below her torso
till her belly is so soft you could float through it

her own dead hands rub her back like snakes now
squirming as they begin to squeeze the color from her

Still, she lives, raisin woman
Waiting by her window
For the mud to come

GUTTERSTARS

"We are all of us lying in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars" - Oscar Wilde

tonight it is the earth that is drunk
spinning in it's sickened slumber
sleeping all the more heavily
to escape the churning in it's stomach

as I am

from the angle of this mad tilt-a whirl
I know what the carsick fly must feel
upside down skyground gulps my drunken eyes
sick self inside me pressed into mud
that fills my fingers, slips so easy into my pores
sticky-wet and dark like inside me

inside me out
outside me in
mud to mud

gutterstars fall through my eyes
till they are young again
young enough to have forgotten
everything except the gutterstreams
merging the ancient rivers
tumult running open veins through oceans and sky
and into my eyes

tonight my madness is a gutter through my body
tinged with the cloying of smoke
already remembered for what has been forgotten
mud tears wet my eyes
turned to the blueing of the spinning horizon
stars fading into the glow of morning
gutter splashing my neck
like a cool hand on my fever
the spinning rocks me
like the mimic of a mother's heart
pulsing from the earth
to the children swimming in her belly
tonight it is the earth that is drunk

as I am

and my eyes are young again
young enough to remember
everything

forgetting that I am real
forgetting that I am anything
but a heartbeat

REVOL

"See now. There all time without you. And ever shall be. World without end."
-James Joyce

raindrop shards of broken mirror
elliptic forms that prism the sunlight
like facets of crystal the still pool surface of crystal
that dreams of a future that vanishes in the arms of time
that stands still in random pockets
that washed up on the shore of an ocean
that tells no future but immersion
where raindrops end in dark wave froth
that speaks in thousands of wordless voices
a chaos of pain that turns to rain
in random pockets that seep through time
and sop up the facets of ancient voices that
prism the light of long-dead stars that
fall at night like snow of glass like
raindrop shards of broken mirror